I had a presentation this week and wanted to have nice color prints made as handouts. I decided to run over to Fed-Ex/Kinko’s and have them print out the presentation for me. I walk in the door and stand at the counter for a few minutes. One of the employees is working at a computer station printing out jobs, and another is assisting customers at the self-serve copy machines. Neither one acknowledges my existence. No “Hello” let alone a “We’ll be with you in a minute sir.” Apparently I’ve attained the ability to become invisible.

After too long (and too silent) of a wait, a lady walks from the back rooms and slowly makes her way to me. As long as it took her to arrive at the counter, it was still not enough time to finish the food she was eating. “Maym I hell hu?” were the first glorious words spoken to me as a customer. I tell her that I have a print job to drop off. She swallows whatever gave her that cute two year-old garbled speech impediment,
“Name?” she demands, not asks.
“Staiger.” I reply.
“Spell it.”
“S-T-A-I-G-E-R.”
[pause]
She looks at me and taps her pen on the form blank where my phone number would be entered.
Somewhat stunned and wondering if I should apologize for not possessing mental telepathy, I give her my phone number.
“When would you like to pick this up?”
“11 o’clock?” I ask.
She turns and looks at the person working on the computer station and asks if she can meet my deadline. Nope. Not till 2:30.
It’s 9:30 at this point. I would have printed it out myself, but both of their color printers were out of order. Also, I explained to her that this was a press-ready PDF and should be a hassel-free job.
Nope. 2:30.
“I can’t do that. I’ve got a lunchtime presentation, so I guess I’ll go to Office Depot.”
Counter woman looks at computer station woman. She nods her head. “I can try.”
“I can’t risk that. If there’s a chance it won’t be done in time, I’ll have to go somewhere else.”
“I can do it.” She says.
“You waited too long.” Counter woman whispers to me.
I don’t have the time or energy to explain to her how her store had put me in this position, nor did I have time to argue whether 90 minutes was enough time to click “print”, type in quantity 5, and hit “enter.” I just leave.

I return to pick up my print job with little time to spare. There is a woman in line ahead of me that is trying to pay for copies of her resume on her credit card. They have some discussion about the cost of her copies which takes way longer than needed. Her card is rejected. She asks, “Are you sure? Can you try again?” Counter woman tries it again. We wait as they chatter. Rejected again. Resume girl searches through her purse more thoroughly than a CSI crew on a crime scene. Finally, she relents and says she has to go home and get money to pay for the copies. I saw her name and number on her resume. I’ll gladly pass it on to any prospective employers.

I get to the register and tell counter woman I’m there to pick up my print job for “Staiger.” She wanders around somewhat aimlessly, but eventually finds my print job. Everything was done correctly and I pay with my Kinko’s Preferred Customer card. How’s that for irony?

Preferred customer? Am I supposed to feel preferred because Kinko’s gave me a card that makes it easier for me to buy from them? How about acknowledging me within 10 seconds of me stepping up to the counter? How about not giving me the third degree when I want a very simple print job in a reasonable amount of time? I know Office Depot coulud have done the job while I waited. I thought that was what a quick print shot does. How about treating commercial accounts differently than consumer accounts with rejected credit? Time is money for your commercial account holders. The longer they have to spend getting a print job done, the more sense it makes for them to spend their money on printing equipment, not printing services. I was valued the same as resume girl even though my print job was probably 40 times more expensive, even though I have no credit issues, even though I have a “preferred customer” card.

I don’t know why Kinko’s doesn’t have a commercial accounts register. How can they advertise that they’re a great solution for a company’s printing and shipping needs when they make it so hard? I’ve been to Kinko’s several times and I’ve noticed:
1. They’re not reliable.
2. They’re not consistent.
3. They’re definitely not customer-centric.

So when I see their advertisements now, they ring hollow. There is no integrity in their marketing. Their ads are not consistent with the more personal touch points with customers. The brand is inauthentic. I watch the ad with businessmen having a meeting in a large shower (fully clothed by the way) saying how they’re going to solve all their printing, packing, and shipping needs at FedEx/Kinko’s. Like watching a horror movie and wanting to tell one of the characters, “Don’t go in that room! He’s gonna kill you!” I want to say, “Don’t walk into Kinko’s doors. They’re going to kill your expecations!” Something tells me they’re in for a big surprise. Then again, they just had a meeting in a shower. How bright could they be?

As I waited to drop off my order, and as I waited to pick it up I had a depressing feeling inside. I’ve been somewhere else where that same feeling hit me… the post office. There’s someone you don’t want to be compared to in the realm of customer service. I think I feel that way inside because I realize they don’t care about me. As Seth says, they don’t have to care.

I got back to the office later and felt a little better inside. Somehow the dark clouds were parted and I felt as if the sun had come out. I had realized that I could probably afford a color laser printer. So Kinko’s, so you want to know what your “preferred customer” prefers? I think I prefer to become someone else’s customer.